We have this bloke in our office who looks like Ronnie Corbett....
Amazing don't you think?
Do any other of you chaps have any lookalikes in your offices or places of work?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap.
]]>Brown's long awaited announcement was greeted with a mixture of excitement and disdain as he announced:
1. The photo of his daughter will be moved to the mantelpiece, leaving room for his open university degree (Humanities) certificate.
2. The ornament which was broke during a wild rock n roll party is to be replaced by a framed certificate awarded to Joe by Nelson Mandela for his outstanding mark in his advanced drivers test.
3. Joe's longest serving member of the cabinet, the Diploma in Carpentry has been sensationally moved to the attic, with his newest award, the Confined Spaces certificate (attendance only) taking its place.
An insider who didn't want to be identified said this morning that Brown was satisfied his re-shuffle would meet with the approval of the electorate, but warned of tough times ahead.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>I was sat here wondering what I would and could do if I found £1000 and came up with the following ways to spend your wad:
1. Hand it in to the police.
2. Keep it and donate the wad to a charity.
3. Share my good fortune with my family and friends.
4. Secretly leave it somewhere for someone less privelaged than me.
5. Gamble it all away in one fell swoop in the hope of at least doubling the size of your wad.
6. Buy a new lawnmower complete with a storm break multiplier.
Any other good ideas?
Kindest regards,
Mufrap.
]]>I'm wondering if there are any other people out there who have been to a gig and 'got off' with the singer? I'm interested to hear.
Kind regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>We were talking in the office today about words, and came up with a couple that we think YOU as fabulous people may want to use at some stage in a conversation.
This is based on trust obviously, but if you would kindly use them, we would be more than grateful.
The words to use today are:
Flocculent: which menas like tufts of wool...tufts...you know what I mean.
Super: Obvious
Quagmire: In something sticky type of thing.
I hope you enjoy using these words and if anyone would care to join our word or phrase club please do so.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>We have this bloke in our office who looks like Ronnie Corbett....
Amazing don't you think?
Do any other of you chaps have any lookalikes in your offices or places of work?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap.
]]>Is it me, or do any other inhabitants of Blogland believe that Lionel Blair is a puff?
Can anyone also confirm that famed gardner Percy Thrower was also gay, I seem to remember reading somewhere that he was.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Can any intelligent person out there in Blogland, please tell why men and women are so bloody different, because I'm buggered if I can work it out!
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>Mufrap El Nibor here reporting that I'm in deep trouble with my lovely wife, Mrs El Nibor.
I've been in Yorkshire for the weekend, by myself. On Saturday night I went out and got pissed with my mates. No worries about that you might think....WRONG!
You would think I'd turned into Myra Hindley, Peter Sutcliffe, Jade Goody and Adolf Hitler overnight, and had decided to grow breasts!
What was my heinous crime friends? I DIDN'T BLOODY PHONE HER WHEN I SAID I WOULD! Now my life is hell, and I think I may have to consult a lawyer.
I bought her some flowers, crawled, grovelled and apologised but it's not enough.
I'm not a happy man. By the way, on the subject of Adolf Hitler, apparently, although he was a really bad and evil person, at least he managed to make the trains run on time. Is this true?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>No reason the the German really other than I've been in work for less than an hour and so far the topics we've covered are:
1. Rory Gallagher.
2. Scissor Sisters gig in Glasgow last Sunday.
3. Richard Ashcroft. (gig on Wed)
4. Morrissey. (gig on Sat)
5. Malt whiskey.
6. Vodka.
7. The slosh (NOT connected with any of the above).
8. Lack of sleep.
9. Troublesome teenagers.
10. German helmets.
11. Britsh football teams in Europe.
Not bad is it? Anyone care to let us have their topics for discussion so far this morning?
By the by.....the Slosh is a popular dance in Scotland and the north of England at weddings and family do's in case any of you didn't know. I'm interested to know how many others of you out there, particularly in the London area have partaken of ther slosh, or maybe you prefer the 'Alley cat'?
Kindest regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Apparently, the advantage of having small feet is that he can avoid paying VAT on shoes, because he can buy kids shoes. He did openly admit that he has bought ladies shoes in the past.
Makes you think doesn't it?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap.
]]>Today in the office, for some reason we were discussing local swinging scenes, and I'm wondering if they are as numerous as we all suspect.
Further research indicates that...
1 in 5 couples are actively engaged in a local swinging scene!
Now, there are 10 people in our office, all with a partner, which means that 2 out of the 9 of us are swingers (because I'm not a swinger you see).
Makes you think doesn't it? 
Kind Regards,
Mufrap.
Whether this is the current music scene or the workmanship of tradesmen, we appear to accept mediocrity. Anything over and above the mediocre then appears to be out of this world.
A simple example of this was when a plasterer came to our house to completely re-plaster the bathroom. Not only did he do a great job, but he cleaned up a real mess afterwards, and charged a reasonable price for the job. We sang his praises as you might imagine. However, on second thoughts, shouldn't this be the norm? Why are we singing the praises of a guy who does his job in a professional and competant manner?
I suspect it's because we tend to accept less than average performances from people. And I'm not really sure why.
Why do we accept that Pop Idol and the rubbish it throws up as being the norm, when in effect, it really is completely mediocre (and worse) pop music? Why do we accept so called celebrities who have done nothing to lay claim to 'celebrity status'? Why do we accept that the vast majority of tradesmen never clean their mess up after they've finished?
People, it's time to step out from our beige worlds and put a stop to all that is mediocre and make a stand for excellence. Is this politically incorrect yet again?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>"I'm a woman, what do you expect? Of course I multi task!"
...and of course...
"Men? Multi task? Don't make me laugh."
Why is it that women folks think they are the only ones who can do more than one thing at a time? It annoys me.
I find on a daily basis lots of women who can concentrate on one thing at a time, and everything else goes by the wayside, but yet are convinced that they can multi task.
I actually tried to find a pic of a woman who was multi tasking on the net, but all I got was pictures of women talking on the phone whilst drinking a cup of coffee! Multi tasking my bottom!!
Ladies...try driving a car whilst rolling a cigarette and changing a CD at the same time, and we'll see who can multi task! Also this morning, I found myself instinctively smoking, masturbating, typing and drinking coffee almost simultaneously! Now that's multi tasking.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>The kind of people who I'm talking about, are terrorists, child murderers, paedophiles, cold blooded killers, people who beat up old people for £2.00, etc etc.
We've recently heard about the 'unfortunate' men who were getting paid to do the trials which went wrong, (although that's another story). Well, what is wrong with using prisoners? If things went wrong, would we cry and weep about how unfortunate these poor prisoners were?
By comitting the terrible acts they are put in prison for, they have foregone any rights to be a member of our fair law abiding country, and instead of complaining about the sub standard conditions they find themselves in, they should be put to some use. Why don't the politicians ask the regular person in the street?
BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN!!! EVER!!!
WHY?
Because we are supposed to be fair minded and respectful of the human rights of these people. We have to be seen to be doing the right thing. It's not politically correct is it?
Well actually it is politically correct. Just ask the victims of the crimes, and the families who have been left to pick up the pieces of their lives after the murder or rape of a loved one.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Forget 'em all with the worlds most powerful Magic Eye.
Simply stare into the Magic Eye for 30 seconds and make a wish. This wish will then come true within 1 week.*
That's right, simply stare into the Magic Eye, and watch the weird and wonderful happen. This will program a small but extremely powerful portion of your miracle mind known as the miracle acceptance lobe. When this lobe is programed via staring into the Magic Eye, the miracle you asked for will actually happen! This is scientifically proven.
"When I asked the Miracle Eye for a miracle, it came true within one week. I can now walk to the supermarket and back again, instead of relying on taxis!" Mrs Christine Brampston, Chiswick.
What have you got to lose? Money? Weight? Self respect? Friends?
We dare you to change your life forever!
*If for any reason your wish does not come true, you are probably not wishing hard enough, or indeed long enough. And we at Mufrap El Nibor enterprises will not under any circumstances give a damn or pay out huge sums of dosh to weak willed people who see this as a quick way to rid themselves of the unhappy lives they have blundered into, without taking responsibility for themselves. Is that clear?
]]>The issue here, is to ask ourselves if in fact, the problem does not lie with women as a whole. What I mean by this, is how can we ask a question of society, when that very self same society is made up of around 50% women?
Quite obviously, the problem with women is a deeper issue in the wider sphere, and this is not the forum to argue against that case, or for it in fact.
The problem with women stems from a radical approach to the issues, (pending a successful resolution), and I for one would never argue for, against or even in favour of, an approach such as this.
The problem with women is also an apparent disclosure of an issue, to which only highly ranking goverment offials are privy, and we are left hanging there by beaurocracy gone mad!
I think you'll agree.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>"I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is!"
It was quite a relief to hear that my mate wasn't gay obviously, but I really had no idea his boyfriend was gay. I've been recently talking to him about manly things like football and cock fighting, only now to realise he wasn't interested.
I for one will watch what I'm saying in the future as it can land you in all sorts of hot water!
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Therefore its bound to happen that people get each others nerves and.... stab, rape, rob, deal in drugs, batter children, batter old people, steal cars, shoot each other, get wasted on cheap booze, carry guns and knives, joyride, have teenage pregnancies, become drug addicts, have no common decency, and to cap it all, pride themselves on being lazy good for nothing layabouts, being looked after by us tax payers.
Obviously it's got nothing to do with their dim witted low life attitudes and the wearing of shell suits, but more to do with the number of them living in close proximity to each other.
I'm sure it'd drive us law abiding tax paying working people with some pride in our lives, to do the same. Wouldn't it?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Check out the Tory conference for example, they have all the best looking birds in the party at the front. What do Labour do? Have all the dodgy boilers there.
No wonder Blair and his stupid politically correct brigade are having problems in the opinion polls.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>5. Isn't Rolf Harris a smashing bloke?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>1. Am I the only one to find comedy program Little Britain not very funny?
2. Same as above for My Family?
3. Does anyone else feel that men with beards or moustaches should definitely not be trusted?
4. When women dress up rather sexily and provocatively, and say they are doing it to please themselves, are they lying?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>1. Bald Knob (in Arkansas, US)
2. Cockermouth (in Cumbria)
3. Labia (in Belgium...where else?)
4. Shag Island (somewhere in the Indian Ocean apparently)
5. Wankers Corner (in Oregon, US)
Thankyou and good day, I'm off to watch the football now, I think Middlesborough will win by 3 goals to 1.
By the way...check out the pic of a suspicious bloke standing in Castlegate, Cockermouth. It's not really funny, but it makes you think doesn't it?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
At this point my wife also got up, and was suspicious of me 'browsing' the net at 1.00am in the morning. When I told her I was looking at showers, I got the feeling that she didn't quite believe me.
Have any other bloggers ever been caught in the act of doing something completely innocent at strange times of the day?
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor
]]>1. Cherie Blair
2. Carol Vorderman
3. Gabby Yorath
4. Fiona Philips
5. JK Rowling
There are few more, but you wouldn't know them....although maybe you do....
...what about Anne McClelland and Kym Philpot? They work at our place.
Kindest Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>Most days, I will be divulging a new saying from the 'Book of Stupid Sayings'.
Todays saying is:
'I am led to believe that Stoffy is Satans stool pigeon.'
I urge you to use this saying in every possible situation you can, for example...
Wife: Hi darling, shall we just have a chinese for dinner tonight,? I can't be bothered cooking.
You: I am led to believe that Stoffy is Satans stool pigeon.
Wife: Pardon?
You: Yes babes, no problem, a chinese would be great.
Regards,
Mufrap El Nibor.
]]>