Hello,

Mufrap El Nibor here reporting that I'm in deep trouble with my lovely wife, Mrs El Nibor.

I've been in Yorkshire for the weekend, by myself. On Saturday night I went out and got pissed with my mates. No worries about that you might think....WRONG!

You would think I'd turned into Myra Hindley, Peter Sutcliffe, Jade Goody and Adolf Hitler overnight, and had decided to grow breasts!

What was my heinous crime friends? I DIDN'T BLOODY PHONE HER WHEN I SAID I WOULD! Now my life is hell, and I think I may have to consult a lawyer.

I bought her some flowers, crawled, grovelled and apologised but it's not enough.

I'm not a happy man. By the way, on the subject of Adolf Hitler, apparently, although he was a really bad and evil person, at least he managed to make the trains run on time. Is this true?

Kindest Regards,

Mufrap El Nibor.